Hey,
was thinking about
you again.
did you know that?
naw, why would you,
you’re way over
there
and I’m way over
here.
did you ever think
about me?
I mean,
uninstigated, uninitiated
by me?
like,
did you ever think
what’s rahul up to?
what’s he doing
these days?
what would it have
been like ...
... if you had called me back?
sometimes I wonder
if you’re the one
that got away.
but no
you never wanted to
be gotten
in the first place.
at least that’s how
it felt.
was I wrong?
could it be
that somehow
you lost my number?
trapped in your
phone
snatched by an
enemy
of cupid?
could it be
that you cursed
yourself
for not writing my
number down?
I doubt it
alas
cupid shot his
arrow
as the window
was just closing.
its tail was
clipped
its effectiveness
halved
but why was cupid’s
mark on me
so clean?
why did I become
besotted
with your eyes,
your smile
your strength
your story
the middle child
amongst five
older brother
a success
intellectually
a failure
relationally
lacking love for
his mother
and what she has
done for him.
older sister
a user, abuser.
is she as beautiful
as you?
how could she be
while lacking your strength
your steel
your resolve.
a leech
siphoning off the
last
your mother has to
give.
but you,
you’re nothing like
them.
you refused to be.
you saw her
sacrifice –
the toll it had
taken
and instead of
drawing from that
well
you chose to plant
your own.
college,
self-financed
clothes,
self-financed
car, apartment,
insurance,
an “x” followed by
an A-n-g-i-e.
ambitious
to say the least.
to go it alone
in a world
where followers
are the norm.
and so here I lie
wondering
what it might have
been like.
my 1st
girlfriend
mature, independent
with a sense of
humor.
not just fruit
I wanted to pluck
more like a crop
I wanted to harvest
with you.
together we could
have
nourished its soil
enriched its grain
made it flourish.
but did you know my
motives?
the way I felt?
no, of course you
didn’t.
I was too clumsy
to hold your hand
too scared
to show affection.
so please accept
this.
an ode to what
could have been.
to taking chances
and casting aside
one’s pride.
angie, I liked you
there. it’s done.
~rahul
