A Letter to Angie

"A Letter to Angie"

Hey,

was thinking about

you again.
did you know that?
naw, why would you,
you’re way over

there
and I’m way over

here.

did you ever think

about me?
I mean,

uninstigated, uninitiated
 by me?
like,
 did you ever think
what’s rahul up to?
what’s he doing

these days?
what would it have

been like ...
 ... if you had called me back?

sometimes I wonder
if you’re the one
that got away.
but no
you never wanted to

be gotten
in the first place.
at least that’s how

it felt.

was I wrong?
could it be
that somehow
you lost my number?
trapped in your

phone
snatched by an

enemy
of cupid?
could it be
that you cursed

yourself
for not writing my

number down?
I doubt it
alas
cupid shot his

arrow
as the window
was just closing.
its tail was

clipped
its effectiveness

halved

but why was cupid’s
mark on me
so clean?
why did I become
besotted
with your eyes,

your smile
your strength
your story

the middle child
amongst five 

older brother
a success
 intellectually
a failure
 relationally
lacking love for

his mother
and what she has

done for him.

older sister
a user, abuser.
is she as beautiful

as you?
how could she be
 while lacking your strength
 your steel
 your resolve.
a leech
siphoning off the

last
your mother has to

give. 

but you,
you’re nothing like

them.
you refused to be.
you saw her

sacrifice –
the toll it had

taken
and instead of
drawing from that

well
you chose to plant

your own.
college,

self-financed
clothes,

self-financed
car, apartment,

insurance,
an “x” followed by

an A-n-g-i-e.

ambitious
to say the least.
to go it alone
in a world
where followers
are the norm. 

and so here I lie
wondering
what it might have

been like.
my 1^st

girlfriend
mature, independent
with a sense of

humor.

not just fruit
I wanted to pluck
more like a crop
I wanted to harvest
with you.

together we could

have
nourished its soil
enriched its grain 

made it flourish. 

but did you know my

motives?
the way I felt?
no, of course you

didn’t. 

I was too clumsy
to hold your hand
too scared
to show affection. 

so please accept

this.
an ode to what
could have been.
to taking chances
and casting aside
one’s pride. 

angie, I liked you
 
there. it’s done.     

~rahul